can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
