brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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