Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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