it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
