I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
