Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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