Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
