I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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