My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
