I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
