Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
