the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
