Buhtt sex?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
