I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
