please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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