the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
