...so i touched it.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
