You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
