were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
