:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
