someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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