And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The uberlube is also flammable
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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