She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
