Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
