Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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