I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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