my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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