Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
