I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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