if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
