I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
