Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
