last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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