so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
