Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
