party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
