she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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