Do you still have your period?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
