Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
