So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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