theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
