We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
