shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Randomize
