i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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