I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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