You're completely useless in the revolution.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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