I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You are the jesus of drinking
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
