that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
