I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
