I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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