I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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