I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
