So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
